Feldman @ the flicks

Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard

Peter Feldman: Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard is a messy, ill-conceived action comedy with Ryan Reynolds, Samuel L Jackson, Salma Hayek and Antonia Banderas.

Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard
Cast: Ryan Reynolds, Samuel L Jackson, Salma Hayek, Frank Grillo, Morgan Freeman, Antonia Banderas
Director: Patrick Hughes
Classification: 16 DSLV

A movie clumsily entitled Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard has some curiosity value. However, less than five minutes into Patrick Hughes’ messy, ill-conceived production and you know exactly what you’re in for.

It’s an unbearable, in-your-face action comedy with the key players growing more annoying with each unfolding frame. Linking bankable names such as Ryan Reynolds, Samuel L Jackson, Salma Hayek and Antonia Banderas may have sounded like a good idea, but this is no guarantee for success- as this one proves.

How many times in one movie can you watch endless shoot-outs, poorly executed hand-to-hand combat sequences and car and boat chases. Add to this, a continuous flow of foul language, liberally peppered with four-letter expletives, and unceasing arguments that blow-up between the main players?

The convoluted, disjointed narrative, which hops around the fun spots of Europe, concerns a former bodyguard Michael Bryce (Reynolds). Relieved of his bodyguard licence, and unable to work, he teams up with psychotic, deranged hitman Darius Kincaid (Jackson), and his crazy, acid-tongued wife, Sonia (Hayek). They form an uneasy union to capture an insane Greek billionaire ship owner, played by Banderas with a bad wig, who plans a massive world cyber-attack. Morgan Freeman also creeps into the plot but what he is doing in this unholy mess is beyond me.

The characters are all gross, unappealing individuals and if the main intention was to produce some kind of satire it completely misses its target. Sheer agony!

Twitter: @petersdfeldman_

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Peter Feldman has been a journalist and arts critic for almost 50 years and served on The Star in various capacities for 35 years, ending up as a specialist writer on films, music and theatre. During that time, he travelled extensively on assignments and interviewed many international film and pop stars, both in South Africa and overseas. He also covered some of South Africa’s biggest film and musical events. He was one of only two South African journalists to be invited by Steven Spielberg to the Hook film junket in LA in 1991 where he interviewed the famous director as well as Dustin Hoffman and the late Robin Williams. He attended the gala James Bond premiere in London in 1981 and did an iconic interview in a Rolls Royce with Roger Moore who played Bond. He spent a week touring England with Queen prior to their Sun City visit in 1983, interviewed a host of international stars on films sets in Hollywood and London and was the first local journalist to nail an interview with The Rolling Stones prior to their SA visit in 1995. He is active in the freelance field and his work has appeared in a variety of South African newspapers and magazines, including Artslink.co.za. He has also worked on TV and radio (ChaiFM 101.9) in his specialist capacity. Over the years Feldman has been the recipient of several awards for his contribution to music journalism and the SA record industry. He is a recent recipient of the Standard Bank Joy of Jazz award in recognition for his long-standing journalistic support for the arts. He wrote lyrics for some top artists, including Sipho Mabuse, and had a hit disco single, “Video Games,” which was released in 1988. He coined the phrase “Local is Lekker”.